Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
