dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
