my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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