i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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