oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
