I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
