All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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