he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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