dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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