You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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