dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
