Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
God I need to hump something, right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
