I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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