i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
high people should be assigned attendants
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
