my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
