why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Let's get the cat blown out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
