We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I could fuck to npr.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize