i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
