You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize