I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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