im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize