Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
