it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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