I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
