just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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