THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
