i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
