Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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