I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
