Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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