I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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