You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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