we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
