Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
