All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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