if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
