i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
