Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
