My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
