i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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