I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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