i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
