I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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