You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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