OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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