He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
