the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
