It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
