so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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