he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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