hotel room ftw
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
