dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
