i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
