matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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