I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
