So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
