That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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