I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
