forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
