omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
