HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
