Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
